So, what IS self-confidence? What does it mean to be truly self-confident?
This is what I’m pondering this week here and also over on my private Facebook Group. Join it here.
The highly respected Cambridge Dictionary defines it as: behaving calmly because you have no doubts about your ability or knowledge.
Well, that seems straightforward enough, doesn’t it? As the meerkats would say, simples.
I like to think I know what I’m talking about when it comes to my printing. I revel in the gloriousness* of my knowledge, which is a bit silly really because in the wonderful world of custom printing there is always something new to learn, whether it’s a new print technique on the market, a new product popping up on one of the multitude of POD platforms, or even a new Print on Demand platform that needs investigating. In fact, it’s one of the reasons I enjoy it so much!
And I know I know how to print, upload, research, promote….
So am I brimming with self-confidence?
Hm. The jury is out on that one.
And am I only confident in my abilities in that field? Surely self-confidence is bigger than that. Some people seem to just ooze self-confidence, rather than only being limited to one subject. On the other hand, there are those who know one area inside out and back to front, yet have absolutely no self-belief in any other part of their life. What is the difference between these people? Is it due to some negative, confidence-sapping event? Humans are complicated creatures, and our lives are peppered with positive and negative experiences, all of which have an impact to some degree. It’s up to us to channel these experiences into the Beneficial Box in our brain, and not the You’re Worthless Wardrobe. This can, of course, be easier said than done. There is a whole profession dedicated to it.
Thinking about it in depth, in some ways the Cambridge Dictionary definition works for me for a few elements of my life, but in other ways I prefer to adopt Marie Forleo’s approach and remind myself “everything is figureoutable” and then get on with working it out. So maybe, for me, self-confidence means that I have no doubts about my ability or knowledge and can figure it out if I don’t already have the ability or knowledge, because I have the faith in myself that I can figure it out. Well, that’s long, complicated sentence, isn’t it?
It also helps that I made myself a sign for my desk to say that EVERYTHING IS FIGUREOUTABLE, along with Denise Duffield Thomas’s IT’S MY TIME AND I’M READY FOR THE NEXT STEP and someone somewhere’s (now mine!) WHAT IF I GAVE IT EVERYTHING? This little framed reminder brightens my day, every day, and helps me to keep going when self-confidence, energy or motivation might be at a low ebb.
So, self-confidence, just like energy, motivation, happiness or sadness, is also transient. It’s not a permanent state. Certainly, it is possible to tip the scale in favour of any of these.
Is self-confidence a feeling or a skill? Is it simply a perception, and as such can be just an illusion? Can you think of people who come across as self-confident yet you know how they are feeling beneath the surface? Maybe sometimes coming across as abundantly self-confident could even be dangerous. Consider those celebrities who appear to have it all, yet then either disappear from view while they battle their lack of self-worth or do something drastic to get away from it all.
Let’s come back from that negative garden path, and think about why having self-confidence is so helpful in life and in running our businesses.
For a start, it is truly empowering. Believing in yourself and your ability means that you will answer a query with complete conviction, making you more likely to speak up, to reach out and help.
Feeling self-confident isn’t draining. Worrying about “getting found out” as a fraud is exhausting. So don’t do it. Research and learn, grow your knowledge and your ability and your self-confidence will flourish.
Who was it who said that if you enjoy what you do then you will never work another day in your life? If we put this ethos with our definition, then if follows that you will love growing your skills in your chosen field; it will be easy and it will flow, and so will your self-confidence.
So is the secret to self-confidence to find your thing? Your thing that lights you up? And to let that light seep into other areas of your life?
Maybe so.
This week in the FB group I will be looking into this more and hopefully finding some answers to my questions.
On Thursday at 12.05pm I will be interviewing the lovely Carolyn Parker to discuss this very subject.
Carolyn believes confident women are a great asset to their community and the wider world. She is a self-confidence/mindset mentor and supports midlife women abuse sufferers by introducing them to mindset and personal development tools so they can move from a victim to victor mentality.
She founded Restoring Self Belief after her own tumultuous journey led her to find her own self-confidence and now she uses her experience to help others to transform their lives. She is now thriving, so do come along to hear her story and join us as we discuss the concept of self-confidence.
If you can’t make it live, do catch it on replay in the group.
See you there!
Love,
Jo. XX.
Oh, and do let me know what self-confidence means to YOU!
PS If you would like to read the answers I hopefully find to my quest this week, I will be putting them in this week’s email newsletter, along with a personal story of mine as to how just one comment from someone a long time ago sapped my self-confidence for decades, until I recognised it - and how I overcame it. You can sign up for it here. As a bonus, you'll also receive My Top Ten Most Wanted Merch article, too!
*probably a made-up word, but I liked it.